Lately, I have been examining the way I respond to admiration or compliments from others. The compliment might be about my personality, a skill, or something to do with physical appearance. I notice that there’s a part of me inside that soars. It’s a kind of reaching feeling, like I’m saying “yeah, maybe I am really great”.

I wonder if, without being aware, I am carrying with me a sense of lacking; a deficit. And it is my instinct to attempt to fill this deficit by building up the ego. It’s like if I can just acquire and lay down those bricks, then I’ll be able to feel I have value.

Let’s say I receive a compliment that is really deserved and I am the best ever in the world at something. Would that soaring feeling ever land anywhere? Would I ever feel actual satisfaction?

I think maybe my response to compliments is typical of individualism. I’ve been sitting here, holding onto this deficit and my attempts to fill it aren’t working out well. They also exacerbate my individualistic mindset because if I’m supposedly so great, then it’s in relation to inferior others.

I’d like to see if I can respond to compliments differently; for them to not have so much meaning and to avoid this soaring feeling altogether, if possible.

How I will attempt to respond to compliments

• Notice the deficit that I carry and the desire for admiration.
• Contemplate the addictive, insatiable nature of the soaring feeling.
• Recognise that any personality trait, skill or physical attribute, however incredible, won’t give me peace.
• Fill the deficit by looking outwards, not inwards:
  • Place less value on me: relinquish the idea that who I am is an asset, designed and owned by me. As per My personality is not me, I can’t take credit for things about me because they just came about through circumstance, or are just part of the human species doing its thing.
  • Place more value on others. Try to observe the true, innocent nature of others and appreciate it. Have empathy and see that they are trying their best. Remember that giving to others feels better than taking from them. Be still and slow, observe and accept, value kindness and be grateful.
• If I do have a compliment-worthy trait, enjoy the way it can give to and help others.
• If I have wisdom, practice it and share it, but make sure to keep hold of it for myself. Don’t let a compliment turn the wisdom into something else.
• Enjoy the feeling that I am no different, or more special, than everyone else. Aim to be ordinary and humble. Enjoy the lower expectations and pressure this brings.